It's been over seven years since I lost Bill to ALS. Humans are very adaptable, and many live with their grief wrapped around them their whole lives. It's a very personal battle. However, life is meant to be lived, and one can still enjoy moments of happiness in between the grief, until the moments of grief pop in while enjoying life. Journaling, counseling, and choosing the path you lead go a long way toward recovery, happiness and health.
I follow the path of positivity, not only the craft challenge blog, but the whole idea that positive living, thinking and sharing enriches one's life. I keep numerous journals - a book of lists, of books I loved, of gratitude, of artwork, and of grief and recovery. These journals have kept me sane and balanced.
So today I needed to finish a poem I started a year or so after Bill's passing. I couldn't quite complete until now. By the time I was finished, I felt a sense of accomplishment in myself. Not for writing the poem, but for the amount of growth I can now recognize in myself. Growth that could not have happened if Bill and I were together still.
I'm not saying I'm glad he's gone--God, NO! But I am a different person because of his passing, and because of the things I've had to learn without him.
Do I still grieve? Of course I do, but it doesn't burn anymore. It's more like a smoldering fire, lighting up at times. The days between September and Christmas are the hardest, when the heat of grief seems most intense, too many memories, good and bad, to haunt my dreams and make me sad.
I've learned to welcome sleeping dreams when he's in them, whether an active participant or just a figure in the crowd. It means he's always there. I haven't lost him, not really. He's in my dreams, in my memories, in my daughter's face, in my scrapbooks. He's a part of me. He's not gone, as long as he's not forgotten...
